i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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