all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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