and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
