How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
