i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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