My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
