I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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