Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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