Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
