i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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