he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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