Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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