I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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