I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there was a trapeze. enough said
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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