i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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