Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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