You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
