I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
