I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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