He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
