he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
