I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize