I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
