it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
