i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
