Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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