I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
