he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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