Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
