By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
