you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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