Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
