Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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