Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
