you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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