I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
