So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
