youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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