a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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