my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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