I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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