sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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