I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
