Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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