Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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