i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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