A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize