Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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