Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.