I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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