ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.