Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.