My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea