You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.