she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
