How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
