hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
