am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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