How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
