"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
