A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
