i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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