i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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