I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
