To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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