So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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