Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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