I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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