dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
